The Road To Somewhere...
The road to somewhere is what I'm on now. And no it's not a drug. My somewhere is finding the place in my life that is going to lead me into the next 45 years of my life and I hope and pray that I'm lucky enough to get a second handful of 45-years.
I blog in my mind everyday and so often wish I had the time to get it all out or down on paper or virtual paper as this is. So this is that opportunity. I'm a visual and kinesthetic learner and for me, writing has been one of the greatest gifts I was ever given. That's not to say that I think I'm a good writer, or that anyone thinks I'm a good writer. It's simply means that I value and find peace in writing, whether it's stories, poems, screenplays, letters, journals or whatever I'm inspired to write at the moment - good, bad or indifferent. For my own peace of mind, my writing here is going to help me free my mind of some of the regrets and mistakes I've made in my life, and hopefully offer some insight to others (or possibly myself if I'm the only one who reads this). Nonetheless, I want to pave the way for many happy and positive, experiences in years to come.
Other than my mother or father, and professional athletes Walter Payton (Chicago Bears - Football), Paul Molitor and Robin Yount (Milwaukee Brewers - Baseball), my hero has always been Abraham Lincoln. I was always amazed at the long list of failures that he endured before persevering and becoming president. The last thing in the world I want to be is president, but the point is, I feel a great sense of hope for my life seeing someone who overcame so many failures, and found such incredible success and respect later in his life. In no way, shape or form do I compare myself to him, but instead, compare and share experiences and failures.
I speak openly here as I hope it helps to give hope or inspiration to others, even in some small way. In my lifetime, I failed and lost everything in five businesses, I allowed the illness known as bipolar disorder to rob me of a legitimate chance to play professional baseball, lose my marriage, lose childhood friendships, and overall it robbed me of years and years of happiness in my life. Over the course of the last two years I started and lost my fourth and fifth business ventures, costing me over $30,000 in life savings and leaving me with nothing, I lost both my parents to old age in the same year, was unemployed for 13-months, homeless for an entire month, and almost lost my son to life-threatening health issues. Abe Lincoln.
I hit rock bottom and theoretically lying on my back, realized I had no where to go but up. I thought about Abraham Lincoln and had to believe that somehow, somewhere, things were going to get better and I would find a way to get well and be successful. What successful meant, I didn't know, but I immediately thought, being the best father I could, was the best place to start. I also like and remembered the quote from Sylvester Stallone from one of the Rocky films, "It's about how hard you can get hit (he meant by life) and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" I really believe that. I 'know' there are thousands of great quotes to inspire, but that one just stuck with me.
As far as religious beliefs go, I'm simply going to tell you that I do believe in God or a higher power and my faith is very strong. That's as far as I go with that. It's up to others to find and know what 'they' believe and live their lives accordingly. I'm not going to judge anyone else. That's not my place.
I do also believe that what you focus on most, does usually come into your life. I objectively found myself caught up in so many days, months and years feeling down, feeling angry or any number of other negative emotions. I can with 100% certainty tell that those thoughts brought on some of the most difficult times and experiences in my life. Somehow for so long, I just couldn't see it or knew any better to change it. In the same thread, I also believe that life has a way of coming back around, whether that means good things in your life or bad things in your life. Some may call it karma, but I absolutely believe it's out there.
Which led me to a point where I just decided I wasn't going to focus on an illness anymore. I wasn't going to focus on the negatives, the anger, the resentment, the regret that I see 'so many' people carrying with them everyday. I just didn't want that anymore. It's not to say that I don't still have bad days, but I honestly and sincerely try to find the best in every situation regardless of how difficult, challenging or simply shitty it may be.
Back to the theoretical moment lying on my back. With the fourth week of being broke and homeless looming on the horizon (in January of 2014), my hope and faith came to light. I was offered a job and found a new place for my son and I to live. Not three weeks later did my car break down and again, within another two weeks the money came my way to buy a new (used) car. I just kept believing that things were going to get better, humbly appreciated the new job and a place to hang my hat, and waited positively for whatever the next day brought.
'That' is the road to somewhere I am now on. I don't know where it's taking me right now, but each day I'm again, theoretically driving down the road, trusting that the next 24 miles (hours) is going to get me closer to where I want to be.
Where do I want to be? I'll tell you next time.
Thanks for reading.
Best Wishes,
Matt
