Please know that anything I chose to share with you is for 'informational' purposes and not for 'bragging' purposes. I'm proud of the things I have accomplished, but am equally aware of the ups and downs my career field can have, so I am keenly aware of the humility it can bring in an instant. My parents were great examples of many things, one of which was humility and keeping things in perspective. You obviously were interested or curious enough to stop by to see what was happening with me, so please know that from the start.
January started off with a burst of excitement and crashed in three weeks of very severe depression. I had completed a new version of the working title, film Bipolar and had shared it with several industry professionals, including directors, producers and actors/actresses. It was well received by several, but completely torn apart and criticized by another industry professional. It was someone (to remain nameless), who has been very successful and involved in million dollar projects, and a person who I really looked up to. Again, the film, television and print business is layered with rejection of all kinds, but to have something you have worked on (screenplay/project) for twelve years and have it so harshly criticized was overwhelming. Having taught for 18 years I knew the balance that was needed with students if they were struggling with something, and still offer positives to encourage learning and growth in them. My experience with this industry professional was wrought with negatives, and positive encouragement was nowhere to be heard. Regrettably I didn't take it well and shut down emotionally. The project is very personal to me and I felt it was no longer worthy or had value to anyone. So I 'shelved it', or gave up on it for a lack of better words. For the following three weeks I was extremely depressed and humiliated, and had given up on the project for good. I questioned many things about my career choice and wondered if I would ever have the desire to follow through on so many years of tenacious writing and passion for making movies, both writing and acting.
In addition to that situation, I had dove head first into another life, long dream to pursue my passion for art and owning my own business. Just eight months earlier I had been an elementary teacher for eighteen years and I decided to 'retire'. I was burned out, stressed and wasn't having fun anymore. I didn't want to look back retiring at age fifty-seven, and say, "I wish I would have..?" So...I rented a space for my production office and decided to use the store space to open a gallery! The second I signed the lease, there was no turning back and the Polarity Gallery was on it's way to fruition. My hope was to finally show the art I had been working on for years, give friends and other artists the chance to showcase their incredible work, and pursue my film production dreams as well. The distraction of painting walls, getting lighting put in and getting the space ready for a gallery opening in two months, became therapeutic for the depression I was experiencing from the recent film project I was so discouraged about. With the help of my son, and friends Johnny Lechner and Mike Peterson (many thanks to them), progress was moving.
As we all know, to achieve something great, the risks are going to be high. I'm a big believer in the power of intention and visualizing what you want, and what you need to accomplish. I needed to do that with this venture. Each day I had a very specific set of goals and things to accomplish, but how I was going to get it all done and ready in two months I didn't know. I just kept believing it would get done and trusted in the process. It worked. March 2, 2013, I opened the doors to Polarity Gallery, showing five different artists for Waukesha, Wisconsin's first Art Crawl of the year.
Allowing myself to focus on the gallery, the discouragement and disappointment of January began to fade away. Fortunately at the same time, my acting and modeling continued to give me opportunities and I was able to keep busy there as well. I had opportunities in three independent films, several web commercials, an industrial video and a radio commercial, all of which gave me a lot of needed encouragement. My inspiration to write again was also coming back and the creative juices began flowing.
I can't speak for everyone, but at one time or another I think we have all experienced certain places or events that would cause us to say, "Hey, that would make a good movie!" I had two ideas that had been put in my 'mind's idea file' for quite some time. When I was first shown the space for the gallery in December of 2012, a walk down into the historic basement was all I needed to inspire an old story back to life. Eight years earlier I had lived in a high rise apartment building in downtown Milwaukee, Wisconsin when my son was just four. The basement where we did laundry was creepy and I knew there was a good story to be created behind it. I made notes and locked them away in my mind for many years. When I stepped into the dark, cool, damp, historic brick basement in Waukesha I knew I had a perfect location for the psychological thriller I had been wanting to write for ten years. It was now February and I sat down to the computer with Final Draft, (screenwriting program) and the working title of Lowrise was created. It felt perfect and the words and ideas flooded the pages. By the end of February I had a first draft and my inspiration was back.
My second idea came from a job eleven years ago in the small town of Shelton, Washington when I was working for a company that set up glow-in-the-dark driving ranges for casinos. I frequented a small family restaurant every morning, meeting kind hearted, genuine people who were simple and appreciated a simple life. It inspired the story about a lonely man who would become the main character for a heartwarming drama in a small town. Just a block away from the gallery in Waukesha is a small restaurant called Dave's Restaurant, and the idea for the film 'exploded' back into my head. I originally had the idea to call it Toast and then a wonderful suggestion from my son created the working title Hash Browns. Two stories were brought to life or back to life I should say. The disappointment of January was behind me now and I was (am) inspired to do great things with these stories.
Making a film takes an incredible amount of patience, persistence and a tenacious desire to succeed. It means finding the people who share your passion and who are encouraged to take a seed of an idea, and bring it to life through the incredibly creative process of filmmaking. Then there is the idea of money. Like anything, money drives the project and finding it to make your film is an incredible challenge, but not impossible. Some favor the road of low budget, run-and-gun filming working simply for food. Then there are those who support the crowd funding idea to use the internet to garnish support for their project, usually on a smaller scale. Then there are the advocates for investor capital and reaching financial goals on sub-Hollywood or Hollywood level budgets, most often in the millions.
I have learned that all of those have their place. I believe that if you love to create things and you love to make movies that you should do whatever you can to bring those stories to life. You keep trying and trying and trying until things work out. I'm a 'huge' fan and advocate of film pioneer, Robert Rodriguez who made his first film El Mariachi for $7,000 and launched his film career as a result. Morgan Freeman is another person who inspires me. He spent many long years working his way up in the film and television industry and finally received some of his biggest roles after age 50. Their passion and desire to succeed has inspired me beyond words.
So that brings me back to the present. Since January I have connected and reconnected with some incredible people in the film industry and the quest to make these films is on! Investment financing will be my greatest challenge, but a welcomed one. People are always going to tell you how hard things are and how difficult it is to do this or do that, and you cannot let it discourage you. Persistence will pay off and what a great feeling it will be to know that I never gave up and believed in the successes. As I said earlier with the opening of the gallery and now with the movies - I just have to keep believing it 'will' happen and trust in the process.
Until next time...
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