Monday, January 13, 2020

The Alaskan Adventure - Volume 10 - Bundle Up


The Alaskan Adventure - Volume 10 - Bundle Up

2020 resolutions are in the book and ready to be manifested. Lol. I don’t know. Maybe. We’ll see. Life has quite a sense of humor. Last year at this time I went through a heart wrenching breakup, moved out, and in a hypomanic state, off my medication, bought a camper in Germantown (Milwaukee), Wisconsin. I parked it on a friend’s empty, four acre lot, no electricity, no heat, no bathroom, and no running water. It was 6-degrees, I was under six blankets and I had the small room’s walls covered and duct taped with silver, survival blankets. My rationale was non-existent and I convinced everyone close to me that this was the right decision and I could make it work. With a candle burning in the corner of the room, I watched my cold breath blow over my eyes that peered out over the blanket. There were no 2019 resolutions running through my head, just thoughts about how it was time to reconsider ending my life. I saw the end of another long-term relationship, I was broke and felt like a terrible failure and example to my 19-year-old son. I fought through the dark thoughts for a week and when the temperature hit zero I broke down emotionally and asked to move back in until I found a place to live. She was an angel to help me out and three weeks later I found a ‘normal’ place to live and began working to get back on my feet. 

Fast forward to January 2020. It’s 3-degrees as I write this, and I’m in Mountain Village, Alaska. It’s a far cry from Wisconsin and a different world. However, this time I’m fortunate to be in an apartment with heat, electricity and running water - most of the time. (I’ll explain later) Anyway, I’m not sure if life is laughing or laughing at me. Either way, there was a wonderful combination of blessings, fortune and good luck that came my way through 2019, which has put me on this incredible adventure and opportunity that I’ve been able to experience and write about. I know not everybody is an advocate of this thought, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and there are no coincidences in life. I know that Mountain Village is the right place, and the place that I’m supposed to be in my life right now. If I had to be blunt, it is kind of a holy shit moment of realization. One minute I am in single-digit, degree weather thinking about calling it quits on life, and a year later I am in single digit, degree weather thinking about and changing lives for the better. Some days I have to remind myself not to ‘Dr. Phil’ (verb), everything to death and just believe that everything is happening the way it is supposed to.

On to the weather. Well, my indoctrination to Alaska’s harsh winters is almost complete. I was told and knew coming in that it was going to get pretty cold here. The other day we hit the -20’s and one day with a windchill low of -53 degrees. It’s really something to experience. When you first step outside and take your first deep breaths, it makes you cough. You struggle through a few more breaths and then you’re used to it. On some days the cold and winds will make your eyelashes start to freeze either open or shut. It's pretty wild. I bought ski goggles and those have been very helpful on the windier days to keep my eyes in a comfortable place. Then the neat thing is that when degrees get into the teens, being out in the cold feels very comfortable and surprisingly pleasant. The only thing I have yet to experience is a full-blown snowstorm. I'm actually really excited for that. Fun stuff!

I decided this year for the first time ever, not to get together with family for Christmas. My son is back in Wisconsin along with a brother and sister-in-law and I just couldn't see going from one cold climate to another. My son was going to be with his mom for the first half of the break and wanted to be with his girlfriend for the second half and New Years, so after talking we both agreed we'd be okay with a reunion in the summer after school was out. With the exception of a trip to St. Lucia for my honeymoon in 2007, I had never traveled out of the country and felt now was a good a time as any. I booked a trip to Costa Rica and just felt that in fifty-one years of very little travel, I would treat myself to a solo trip.

If I had to describe the trip, I would say it was bittersweet and I learned a lot about myself in the process. My first two days there were in the capital city of San Jose on Christmas Eve and Christmas and I ended up having a meltdown emotionally. I went through terrible regret for going there and missed my son and family terribly. I sent multiple texts back to family and friends that I had made a mistake and felt it was another 'manic' decision that was poorly thought out. I asked myself, "How could I do this again? How many more bad decisions am I going to make in my life that I don't think through?". It was a tough first two nights simply because it was the first time for me to spend the holidays without my son and close friends and family. I wasn't ready for that. Anyway, after feeling sorry for myself and realizing that I was being a whiny little pecker head, I picked myself up and pulled it together. There were people back in Mountain Village struggling to stay warm, many of which didn't have the opportunity to travel as I did, and the simple fact that I was getting a great opportunity to experience another country, told me I needed to pull my head out of my ass and be grateful for what I had.

The following day I was traveling to the coastal town of Jaco (Ha-co). The three-hour ride was absolutely beautiful and as the regret and guilt oozed from my body over my meltdown, I started to find some peace and the appreciation I was lacking in days one and two. The remaining eight days were spent in Jaco and I don't think I have ever experienced a more beautiful and peaceful place, at least in my lifetime. Boy did I feel bad, as I should have. I apologized emphatically to the universe as well as my family and friends for my meltdown and gained some of the most wonderful clarity for how truly lucky I am to have the family, friends and experiences that I have. I met some amazing people in Costa Rica and one of the funnest things was being able to speak Spanish again and learn so much from the people there. It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited. I really hope I get to go back again sometime and if you ever get the chance, Costa Rica should definitely be on you bucket list.

I have to admit that despite the peace and comfort I was feeling in Costa Rica, there was a big part of me that missed home and I longed to get back to Mountain Village. I didn't care that it was 80-degrees cooler. I simply missed my friends and new family that were back in the village. It was a good feeling. I will admit that the 10,400 miles I traveled and the 44 hours sitting in airports on layovers wore me down a bit, but again...no complaining aloud. It was a great experience and when I stepped foot on the white tundra after that final flight, it felt so good to be home.

One of the most interesting things I've learned about since I've been here is the power and influence the local airline Ravn has on the lives of people throughout Alaska, and especially those in the bush and outlying areas like Mountain Village. From what I have gathered and learned, Ravn is the only airline company that flies to the outer regions and their 'monopoly' as it's described to me, charges people very high rates. With no competition, they can pretty much charge what they want and run flights how, when and where they want. Now as I write this, it may sound as if I'm disgruntled a little as well, but I'm not. The only frustration I have is the anxiety it causes when you have to fly anywhere, anytime. It seems the biggest struggle people have is the amount of cancellations that take place for most flights. Weather is such a huge factor up here that I can't even find the words to describe what a powerful influence it has on people getting to an from where they have to be. Ravn knows this, loves this and takes full advantage of it as it relates to how they schedule, and cancel their flights. If one-single snowflake were to touch the wing of a plane - cancel the flight. If a single-drop of rain blows sideways two-degrees, too much to the right - cancel the flight. Or you get a lot of cancellations due to mechanical problems as well. Now I obviously joke a little, and it's good that they consider the safety of their passengers, but if you had any idea what it does to affect people on a greater scale, you would be saying, holy crap, that's awful.

A few examples. My principal and his son went to Anchorage for a surgery appointment. They were in mid-flight and had to turn back around to Anchorage because of high winds. They then got another flight to a small village called Bethel (known as the armpit of Alaska - sorry Bethel, only repeating what I've heard from many people), which is closer to Mountain Village and a short trip by small plane. However, upon arrival Tim finds out that there are no flights out until Wednesday, three days later. And if inclement weather should be possible on Wednesday, Ravn would cancel that flight as well. Which to Tim and his son, meant finding more hotels, being away from work and school and not knowing whether they will even be back that week. Another example was my very first trip, moving to Mountain Village. My first flight from Anchorage to St. Mary's (small village airport - the connecting flight to Mountain Village's small airport) was cancelled - meaning an extra night in Anchorage. In my rebooking to Bethel, I made the flight to Bethel, but my connecting flight to Mountain was cancelled - an extra night in Bethel - and only one room left at a shady hotel. And finally, during the Christmas break we arrived for our departing flight from St. Mary's (half-hour drive to the airport on unplowed, snow-covered roads, and the 'only' road we have that leads to another village), to have the flight cancelled and we had to drive back to Mountain Village. There was no guarantee of the same flight the next day, so I booked a backup flight from Mountain Village to Bethel to Anchorage with Alaskan Airlines, $550 non-refundable/with credit if cancelled. I get taken up to our small Mountain Village airport the following morning at 10 am to board the plane to Bethel. They call and say the flight from Mountain to Bethel had been cancelled. I'm dropped off back at home. My friends who I am supposed to fly out with from St. Mary's from the previous day's cancellation have already left for the 1:30 pm flight to Anchorage. I find a ride (nothing less than a miracle), from a friend who was grocery shopping in St. Mary's, who drove the half-hour back from St. Mary's to get me and take me back to the airport in St. Mary's to 'hopefully' get on the 1:30 pm flight. I made the airport in time, but our flight out to Anchorage ended up being delayed until 5:00 pm. But...we did fly out! Had that flight been cancelled, we would not have been able to get a flight out until the following week. Ughhhhhhh! Wow! I have a few more examples, but...I think you probably get it.

If I peel away these outer layers of unfortunates and some sad moments from the blog, I'm back to a very content and happy existence. I say this with all sincerity and humble honesty, I really do love it here and this is the place I'm proud to call home. I'm truly excited for what 2020 will hold for me here 'and' elsewhere and I'm excited to tell you about it. My readership here has gone down quite a bit, so for the two people who are still reading, lol, I look forward to you coming back to hear more about my life that I now call the Alaskan Adventure.

Stay tuned, more to come...



4 comments:

Unknown said...

Experiencing being without family at the holidays for the first time is overwhelming. I experienced this as a younger person; not sure that made it easier or better. There is so much you write about that reminds me of my year living in Denmark. Costa Rica sounded wonderful and the sunshine was probably a good refresher. Continuing to keep you in my prayers and thoughts, Matt.

Unknown said...

Happy New Year Matt,

It's amazing how open you are, not many people would. It sounds like you have found a home and a place to be yourself. I always look forward to your blogs and reading about your experiences. There was a time I wanted Alaska to be my home. I drove up there in 89 with a job prospect of driving a tour bus in Denali, unfortunately it didn't pan out. When I got to Denali, they had lost my application and then told me that there weren't any jobs available at the time....totally devastated. So back to Milwaukee. We all have those moments when you feel lost and aren't sure what to do next, but with the right attitude, things always work out. So stay strong and enjoy your new life in the Great White North............

Doug

Carrie Doss said...

You have more than two readers, Matt. I love reading your blogs and patiently await the next one! I love your honesty as you tell us of your triumphs and tribulations. Until the next blog, stay warm, healthy, and happy!!

Michelle said...

Thank you for being courageous enough to share your life experiences with us Matt. Both the ups and the downs. Especially the downs. A lot of people are reluctant to the share those. Your willingness to open up and make yourself vulnerable takes a lot of courage. I for one, and my mom for another have been moved by your blog. Our family has been touched by mental illness for decades. Your willingness to share your story with total strangers means more than you may ever know. Please keep writing. You are an inspiration!

Michelle