Home To You

 Home To You

I love the feeling of coming home to you. I also love the feeling of you coming home to me. Regardless of who comes to who, there is an unspoken peace of mind knowing I am coming home to my best friend. All the judgement, disappointment, stress and busyness of the world fades away when I walk in the door. But it’s equally exciting when we have something fun, encouraging or uplifting to share coming home. No matter how tired or distracted you are, you always take the time to listen. I like that. I also like that feeling that there is always a hug and a kiss on the way. It’s a place where we added our unique touch, settled in and made it our own. Somedays it’s simply comforting knowing that I’m coming home to our routine and there is no thinking involved. We can just be. And then there are those days I’m so grateful for when you surprise me with things like a full dinner, a favorite drink or even some spontaneous time under the sheets. No matter where I am you are the destination I long for at day’s end. This world tries so hard to keep us busy and away from the things and people that are most important in our lives, but no matter how hard it tries to keep me away, the absolute best part of my day is that I get to come home, to you.

Train Chips - Old Barn

Train Chips - Old Barn 

My dad loved trains. He and my mom would take me to see them before I could even walk. It was something they really loved to do together. Sadly she passed away when I was very young, but he and I would still go down to the tracks quite often. He would take me to collect and save these pennies he would call train chips, that would someday take us on a special train, to see her again in Heaven.

For years I remember he used to take me down by the trains and we’d put a penny on the track. We’d go back the next day and look for it. I thought it was like finding a piece of gold. I would have to do a bit of searching, but we always found our pennies. I would pick up the copper-looking, metal chip and study it with wonder.

I remember him telling me how a lot of people wanted to get rid of pennies. He thought differently though. My dad believed they were magic. He believed everyone and everything had the potential to be great. I remember sitting on a park bench with him one day and he said, “You just have to find the right ingredients and qualities to bring out the greatness in anyone or anything.” He was more right than you’ll ever know. He would discover something no one would ever believe was possible.

A young Robert of 27 years, sits at a workbench in the daylight of the barn. Train chips are dumped from an old, Folgers coffee can into a jar over a workbench. Robert holds up the jar of train chips, checks the level and puts a cover on them. He places them on a shelf with other jars of train chips. He records his progress and writes on a four by six index card. Various bottles of mysterious liquids sit on the bench in front of him that read; compassion, love, kindness, empathy, grace, patience, helpfulness, unselfishness, acceptance.

Robert spins to the left in his chair and looks at a wall full of diagrams and notes. He turns back to his workbench and pages through a thick book. He reaches for an eye dropper and grabs the bottle marked love, extracting a small amount of the liquid. He squeezes the liquid from the eye dropper into a flask filled with another liquid. Robert stirs the mixed liquids.

To the right of the workbench is a series of planters positioned under heat lamps. He carefully pulls train chips from a jar and places them strategically into the dirt of the planter. He covers them with more dirt. Using the liquid from the flask, Robert meticulously waters the buried train chips.

Robert organizes his shelves, notes, books and work area and grabs his coat to leave for the day. He stands in the doorway of the barn, staring at the planters, studying their silence. He closes and locks the barn door.

The next day, Robert returns to the barn. The sun had yet to illuminate the barn so only the light of the planters lit the space. Robert rushes to the planters and a look of disbelief fills his face.

He grabs an object from one of the planters and puts his other hand to his mouth with great surprise. Robert brushes off a dirty, twenty-dollar bill. He turns over each shoulder to see if anyone is looking.

My dad knew he had created something amazing. Something miraculous. He knew what he wanted to do and then did what he thought he had to do. He took a chance with his discovery and secretly met with two men who he thought might be able to support his dream of helping others.

Robert sat in the booth of a coffee shop, button-down shirt and khakis nervously staring across the table. Across from him sat two men, dressed in suits. One wore a weathered, serious face and the other an abundance of confidence and slicked-back hair. Robert showed them a train chip and then the dirty, twenty-dollar bill. He handed them the bill along with a counterfeit detector pen to check the validity of the bill. It worked and the men were instantly impressed and interested. The meeting ended with two firm handshakes and an agreement of future partnership.

My dad spent his entire life working a 9-to-5 job as an insurance salesman, trying to figure out the big idea that would get him out of his cubical and allow him to help countless others. His wondrous discovery of the secret formula to turn train chips into money was his ticket out.

My dad knew nothing of greed. He simply wanted to better the lives of others. Unfortunately, not everyone felt the same as he did. I would come to find that the two men had different plans for his discovery. A late evening phone call told my dad that he would be producing money for an organization that was well known for its shady and unethical practices.

Robert sits alone at his workbench with the formula, a stack of money and a jar of train chips. He stared for a long time and pensively thought of the possible ramifications of his cooperation with the two men and the organization they represented. It pained him beyond words.

But how do you take something that is so amazing, so wonderful, and so life-changing and keep it a secret? You can’t. But my father knew he had to. He had every intention of doing good and he couldn’t find it in his heart to take what he had beautifully created and use it for the malevolent and immoral.

Robert sits at the same table and with deep distress and discomfort, motions and explains to the men that he cannot help them. The two men stand and surround him. The weathered man points and the slick-haired man grabs Robert by the shirt, pinning him against the booth. In no uncertain terms, they explained to Robert that he had a small window to change his mind and do what they needed him to do. In as quick a moment, Robert was released and the men excited the coffee shop. Robert remained in shock and fear.

I’ll never forget the fateful day that was to follow. While I was only five, I remember it like it was yesterday. My dad and I returned home to a door that was cracked open. The apartment was ransacked and turned upside-down. He was afraid for us. I know he did what he had to do to keep us safe. After that day, we moved away and never returned. My dad realized the secret was too great and too dangerous for anyone to handle. Sadly, he hid it from the world.

Robert knew what he had to do and made his way to the secluded barn as quickly as possible. Robert slams down a tote on the workbench and quickly gathers the sealed bottles of liquid, arranging them into the tote. He turns to the wall of papers and notes, pulls them down and stacks them together alongside the bottles. He then grabs the multiple stacks of twenty-dollar bills that are neatly rubber-banded and organizes them into the tote with haste. The cover is quickly and aggressively put on and Robert exits the barn.

Robert walks in the darkness, a headlamp lights his way. He struggles to carry the tote and a shovel. His light illuminates a hole that he digs arduously into, as the tote sits patiently to be buried. Robert gets to his knees and lowers the tote into the hole. He stands and wastes no time refilling the hole as quickly as he can. Sweat runs freely down Robert’s dirtied face and hands as he gives one long, last look to the hole of the secret he hides from the world.

Ever since that night we packed up and moved, we never again stopped to watch the trains or search for the treasures we called train chips. Nor did we talk about them. That is, until the day I received the tearful news. My father called and said he needed me to come see him. He was told he had terminal cancer and it had spread vehemently throughout his body. But that was not all. He had something else he had to share with me.

I sat by my father’s bedside and he was holding a box. A sparkle had returned to his eye and he shared with me the story of his amazing findings. He told me of his dream, his discovery, the events surrounding the men and our inevitable move. He could not apologize enough as he tearfully shared the story with me. He spoke of his regret for the lost years he wished he had back with my mom and me as a young boy. I knew immediately he had been holding it deep in his heart for countless years.

He showed me the round, copper piece of metal that we called a train chip and I was taken back to the tracks like it was yesterday. Then he handed me a picture of him, my mom and me when I was just two years old. Tears silently rolled from my eyes. My dad explained to me how I eased his pain from losing my mom, and it helped him to see that I was more important than anything in this world.

I’ll never forget what he told me next. He said, “David, from the moment you were born, your mother and I knew you were going to make this world a better place. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. Please, take the secret of the train chips, help those in need and help others to see their potential and greatness. You’re the best thing to ever happen to us, and I love you.

My dad handed me the box and held my hands tightly, mustering the best smile he could. I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead. I looked in his eyes, paused and said, “I will Dad. I promise. And I love you too.”

I was happy to be able to give my dad one last moment of joy before he passed away. I think he finally found that train to Heaven to be with my mom. We spent a day at a nearby train track and watched trains pass. I sat next to my father in his wheelchair as he quietly and joyfully watched the trains pass.

David stands in the woods with a map and a shovel. He looks around then down. He folds and puts the map away. His shovel pierces the ground and he begins digging.

A young mother holds and gently bounces her baby. She focuses her attention to her baby. David walks with a brown backpack. He quietly walks by the mother’s stroller, which is out of her sight and away from her attention. David pulls out a stack of bills, rubber-banded and with a 3 x 5 card attached to it. The card reads, “Hope this helps!”, with a smiley-face next to the words. David secretly places the stack of bills into the mother’s stroller and walks away smiling.

A short while later, the mother comes back to the stroller with her baby and sees the money and card. She is shocked. She pulls it out, looking around the park and no one can be seen nearby. She begins to cry.

David stops and takes off his backpack. He takes out a pen and a small journal, and pages through it. He checks off, young mother. Next on the list are homeless person and church pastor. The list continues; elderly couple, food pantry, veteran, pet rescue. David closes up the journal and puts it back into his backpack. He smiles and continues on his way.

Doomsday Diary - Waves of Orange

Doomsday Diary - Waves of Orange

Doomsday Diary

Waves of Orange

It was now eight months after the annihilation of the major six continents. Costa Rica was one of the few countries spared the worst of the radiation that was making its way south from Mexico and north from Columbia and Venezuela. For reasons unknown, the Caribbean and Pacific Ocean were keeping Nicaragua, Costa Rica and Panama safe from the ongoing and lingering winds that were wiping out most of the populations that remained north and south. Unbeknownst to those lucky enough to have remained in Central America, the rest of the world as they knew it, was gone forever.

David, a 52-year-old, third grade teacher from Milwaukee, Wisconsin was on his summer break, where he planned to meet whom he believed to be the love of his life, Nati, a beautiful Tica from Pozos, Costa Rica who lived just fifteen minutes from San Jose where David first arrived eight months earlier. It was an OKCupid, online match made in heaven, so he thought, but a month before leaving, Nati ghosted David and he never heard from her again. Heartbroken, but not defeated David’s two children helped him plan a two-month solo retreat in Costa Rica to heal his wounds and search for the emotional healing that his heart needed. Milwaukee was unfortunately wiped from the map, included with the leveling from nukes in and around the Chicagoland area. It was the last he would ever see their smiling faces and experience the love, laughs and joy they shared as a family.

Ironically at the time he arrived, it was just three months from the launch of his recently completed manuscript, Moments - Love and Relationships. A book where David poured out his heart and soul to help all couples find deeper connections through small moments in their relationships. He had longed for those connections with Nati, but was never to find those moments with her a part of his life. The day before the nukes impacted, David had just spoken to Doris McIntosh his publishing manager, receiving the good news that the book was ready to go to press. David was elated. It was the first book he had ever written and was on his mind for as long as he could remember. Sadly, it would never meet the eyes, hearts and souls of those he hoped to inspire.

Apinya, a 42-year-old single mother of two, and a fashion boutique owner from Bangkok, Thailand was on vacation with her three sisters in Playa Hermosa, a small surf town south of Jaco, Costa Rica. Apinya had never left Thailand and the trip was a life-long dream of she and her sisters that had finally come to fruition after years of patience and devotion to family and her children. The passing of their mother the year prior was the sad, but freeing opportunity that the sisters could finally feel the peace and humble desire to travel together as they had talked and dreamed of for countless years.

Ironically, of the three sisters, Apinya was the most hesitant to go, only due to the love and devotion she had to her two children. For years Apinya had longed to find love again that could share in her daily life and love her and her children as a family once again. Despite her loneliness, she was a wonderful mother who adored and treasured the lives and activities of her teenage daughter and son, who had just turned twenty-one the day before she left for Costa Rica. The day the nukes impacted Bangkok, Apinya was on the beach with her sisters and missed a video call from her two children. The missed call is a regret she would painfully live with for the rest of her life. Sadly, their faces would never again see her eyes, feel the love for them in her heart, or know the depth of commitment her soul held for them.

David’s travels had taken him to his most recent stay, an Airbnb in the small surf town of Playa Hermosa. When the announcement of the nukes came to Costa Ricans, David’s only logical realization was that he would remain in Playa Hermosa, as the cataclysmic events were unfolding in a world that would be changed forever. Nico and Shari, the young surfing couple and his hosts, were more than understanding and accommodating as David had been one of their nicest and best renters as long as they could remember. Their empathy and sadness for David’s loss was more than enough to open their home to him for an indefinite period of time.

The hotels in Playa Hermosa were equally as accommodating to the foreign guests who were displaced from their catastrophic losses, and whom could potentially become permanent residents of Costa Rica. Apinya and her sisters had been guests at the Surf Inn Hermosa for just a week and the sporadic news that did come out, left only warnings and word of desolation from around the world.

Talk of an apocalyptic world had always been just that, talk. Found only in movies, books and short stories. But it happened. It actually happened and those whom remained were tasked with the reality of starting over in grand vacuity. Few to no loved ones, no possessions, nowhere to go and a future so ambiguous that each new day was manifesting a new life.

David’s solace was found in journal writing and the two-hour, morning walks he would take along Playa Hermosa. Even after eight months, it was hard for him to comprehend the uninterrupted, majesty of the ocean, the waves and how nature continued to live its life as if anything apocalyptic had ever come to pass. He was humbled by its beauty and peacefulness, and it brought a sense of security and normalcy that he desperately needed.

Apinya’s solace was found in the comfort and conversation of her sisters and the two-hour evening walks they would take along Playa Hermosa. Even after eight months, it was hard for her to comprehend the loss of her children, and how nature and the ocean continued to live its life as if anything cataclysmic had ever come to pass. She was humbled by its beauty and peacefulness, and it brought a sense of peace and hope that she desperately needed.

One morning, Apinya’s older sister Achara suggested a means of prayer in hopes for a brighter future albeit, was possible at all. A recent trip to the supermarket provided beautiful, succulent oranges. Achara recommended that she and her sisters write down prayers, hopes, dreams and wishes for the future, and place them inside an orange to be surrendered to the ocean and the God they still believed in, and hoped had not forsaken them. Apinya and her younger sister Aom both agreed that it was a lovely and beautiful idea in spite of the darkness that surrounded their thoughts and future.

Each sat down with the slip of paper Achara had torn and measured to fit into the orange, and wrote what they hoped would bring some semblance of peace, hope and reassurance to their lives. A hole was bore into each orange, enough to securely hold each note and protect it from the thrashing and dominance of the ocean waves. The notes were rolled, kissed and after a reassuring smile was shared by the sisters, were placed into each of the oranges.

However, for Apinya, the note was not enough. Her prayers were deep, detailed and woven with intent. She believed that if God was still a part of this earth, that he would show his love in miraculous ways, even through the simplicity of an orange in the limitlessness of the ocean. She gently removed a necklace holding a small, heart-shaped locket. She opened the necklace and inside was a picture of her on one side and her two children on the other. She wept quietly and sealed the locket with a kiss. Slowly, she wrapped the chain around the locket and softly pushed it deep into the orange, alongside her note. She kissed the orange and held it to her heart.

Later that evening, on their walk along the beach, Achara, Apinya and Aom shared a final prayer and to the best of their abilities launched the oranges into the ocean. Their prayers, hopes, dreams and wishes disappeared into the crashing waves and they were now left to fate and a world that was recreating itself in a future unknown. The sisters hugged, cried and smiled with simple hope and faith.

David’s next fateful morning began as it always had with a glass of orange juice and three, egg tortillas. His walk to the beach was hopeful, but without expectation as each day was simply one of hope, faith and the unknown.

And then it appeared. An orange object that pounded on the shore with a high-tide, breaking wave. It rolled and rolled until it was drawn back into the new waves and appeared again. It was an orange. He picked it up, examined it and there was something unusual about it. There was a small hole bore into the top.

David gently pulled the orange into two halves and a note revealed itself within the orange. He was bewildered and amazed. The note was clearly saturated and he placed it carefully into his pocket with excitement. David’s walk took him further down the beach and with no words to describe his wonder, a second orange appeared rolling upon the shore with the newest waves. It couldn’t be, but it was. He made his way, cooperated with the crashing waves and grabbed a second orange. Inside, another note. What were the odds?

If there were still such a thing as luck in an apocalyptic world, David had found a small fragment that was reaching out to anyone and anything. The next half-hour of David’s walk was filled with contentment and peace. He needed it. He needed something to look forward to. His return walk was quiet until the unthinkable appeared. On the beach, resting peacefully, no waves harassing it, sat a third orange. With great trepidation and disbelief, he reached down and picked up the orange.

This orange was different. It appeared more damaged and the hole at the top was slightly larger and weathered. David thought it couldn’t possibly be a third note. He was wrong. Within the orange was a note, but it was complemented with a beautiful, gold, heart-shaped locket. With the utmost tenderness, he opened the locket. Inside was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and a second picture of two very beautiful children, that without hesitation he knew had to be her own. Suddenly, the apocalypse was gone, the world stopped, the waves became silent and David was lost in the beauty of the woman who smiled at him through the heart-shaped photo.

A wave crashed and David was brought back to a lucid state of mind. He placed the waterlogged note into his pocked with the others and secured the locket around his neck. He softly touched it to his chest, and smiled with a contentment that could not be put into words. David once again had hope and faith for a better world.

Apinya needed some time to herself that fateful morning. She walked down and sat on the beach just out of reach of the morning waves. With her legs comfortably pulled to her chest, she pondered the note she had written and sent to the ocean with her locket. Her secret prayers and dreams to find love and happiness once again, in an annihilated and austere world were in the hands of God and the vastness of the ocean in front of her.

A man slowly approached her from the shoreline. He stopped near to her and stared with awe and a contentedness that could not be described. Tears delicately rolled from her eyes. A heart-shaped locket hung from his neck.