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FROM THE BRINK

Beloved teacher, coach battles back from mental illness with book, movie

By Mary Buckley - Staff Writer

NORTH SHORE - Most likely to succeed, Brown Deer High School, Class of 1987, Matthew Nichols finds a certain irony when he looks back at his high school yearbook and finds that title attached to him. In that year, Nichols set off for college at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh determined to become a professional baseball player. Success would be playing in the pros. Years later, Nichols, 37, is an elementary school teacher, father and soon-to-be movie actor and co-producer of a semiautobiographical film called "Bipolar". He has struggled mightily to get where he is today, subduing the terrors of mental illness so he can do the ordinary - and the extraordinary. It's not that the illness is gone.

EVERYDAY STRUGGLES - "I would be lying to you if I said I don't struggle with it everyday," he said. But with medication and counseling, he has learned to cope. He wrote a book - "15 Minutes At A Time" - based on the ups and downs of his bipolar disorder, diagnosed in his freshman year of college. The book, however, is not enough. Nichols has started to speak to groups about living with mental illness and has written a script based on his experiences. He is working with Whitefish Bay's Dan Kattman and Drew Maxwell of Lightning Rod Studios to bring the script, called "Bipolar", to the screen. The script focuses on the early stages of a marriage, the realization of the main character's bipolar disorder and its effect on his relationships. "It leads into the epiphany of how to manage it and heal those relationships," Nichols said. "I want people to understand and see what people with bipolar disorder go through."

PUSHED TO THE EDGE - The youngest of five boys, he left for Oshkosh to pursue his dream of playing college baseball and becoming a professional baseball player. "I wasn't prepared for the changes at college," he said. "I didn't know how to handle it." He sat one night in the shower with a razor next to his writst, but found the strength to beat back his demons, pack his bags and go home to talk to his parents and find some help. Bipolar Disorder, also known as manic-depression, is believed to be both genetic and environmental. There is no cure, but with medication and counseling, patients can live normal lives. "I want people to know you can be a good father, a good parent, a good teacher (with mental illness)," Nichols said.

HIGH HIGHS, LOW LOWS - Bipolar disorder is all about emotional ups and downs, highs that are way too high and lows that scrape the bottom. "Unmanaged, mania leads to all kinds of bad things," Nichols said. "You think you can take on the world. It can lead to free spending or being up hours on end." The down is completely down. "You just shut down," he said. Nichols went back to college, but not to Oshkosh, instead to UW-Whitewater. "I needed a change of atmosphere," he said. "At Whitewater, I volunteered at a Children's Center and learned I wanted to teach."

TAUGHT IN BROWN DEER - Graduating in 1994, he landed a job teaching and coaching in Brown Deer, where he stayed for six years. Along the way he got married and had a son, Seth, who is now 7. Although the marriage has ended, partially from stress caused by his illness, Nichols and his ex-wife remain friends, sharing custody of their son. "He is the reason I am here," Nichols said. "He was my saving grace." Nichols left teaching in 2000 to pursue a family business called GlowRange, based in New Mexico and Arizona. He returned home after nine months when his parents became ill. "I realized after I got back I needed to be in teaching," he said. "Teaching is one place I can go and forget about myself." He started to substitute teach, returning to full-time teaching at Hadfield Elementary School in Waukesha in 2005.

WRITING ABOUT HIS LIFE - While working his way back into full-time teaching, Nichols decided to share some of his insights about mental illness. "People have such a stigma about this, especially when I started teaching," he said. "It's not well received." Being bipolar is like living in a transparent box where you can be seen, but it's a place you cannot leave, he said. Nichols learned to live 15 minutes at a time. "That was the length of time I could manage," he said. "I would sometimes need to stop, step back and figure out how to get out of mania or depression." He also wrote the screenplay for "Bipolar", took acting lessons and started fundraising for the film. He plans to play himself in the film. "I know the role very well," he said wryly.

PRODUCERS FROM BAY - He researched independent filmmaking, finding Kattman and Maxwell in the process. Kattman, an entertainment attorney with Reinhart Boerner Van Deuren SC, formed Lightning Rod Studios with Maxwell about three years ago, but they have worked together for a number of years. They enjoy science fiction movies because they like creating special effects, but they do other types of films as well. "We specialize in getting projects off the ground," Kattman said. They have been successful, he said, because they are business-oriented and have a distribution plan in place before production begins. "Matt's is a great project," he said. "We're really excited about it and hope to get it off the ground within the next year." Kattman said they hope to convince some drug manufacturers to invest in the film. "It's a positive film," he said. "There are not too many out there where pharmaceutical companies are represented in a positive way." Nichols hopes the movie will educate people about bipolar disorder, making them understand that it is a lifelong struggle, but it can be managed. "It took six medications and 17 counselors until we found the combinations that fit," he said. "People sometimes give up too quick." Fortunately he did not. Now he realizes that success comes in many packages, one of them being good parent, teacher and advocate for those with mental illness.

Personal Update - Bipolar the Movie

Goals & Vision For the Film

This next blog is from the heart and pretty much paves the way for the next four months of my life and the progress of Bipolar the Movie. On a personal level I will focus on the two most important pieces of my life right now, and that is being the best possible father I can be to my little boy and to be the best teacher I can be to my second graders. With that said, the goals for my advocation are about to become the most challenging I will place upon myself yet - in addition to getting any semblance of sleep.

I have set five major goals professionally from now until December 31. The first is to secure underwriting funds to do a multiple city tour of speaking; to share my story and valuable information educating others on bipolar disorder, share my artwork - which coincides with the presentations, and to promote the upcoming feature film "Bipolar".

The second is to complete the fifteen paintings that are part of the Polarity Paintings - Series for display in the presentations and showings. The third is to complete a unique and inspiring video for teenagers, young adults, and related groups focusing on the difficult topic of suicide, providing inspiration in all we are and do.

The fourth will be to write and submit a follow-up autobiography to a national publishing company. The first book 15 Minutes At A Time, of a brief biography and 120 writings/poems, did not tell the deeper story that I believe can help many people to relate and find hope in their struggles. My story is no more grandiose or significant than anyone else's, but believe it offers a view from the mind not yet shared by others. I don't care how simple it may sound, but if sharing my story helps one teenager, one adult, or simply one person from taking their life and giving themselves a second chance - then everything I have done, everything I have shared, everything I have gone through will have been worth it. Anything beyond that is just incredible and a wonderful bonus.

The fifth and most challenging will be to raise the $300,000 to make and produce the feature film "Bipolar". As humble as I can possibly be, I will confidently say that we 'will' raise the entire amount by the end of December or sooner. I say this for several reasons.

Number one, and in no particular order, I believe in the law of attraction. If you visualize it and believe without a semblance of doubt that it will be and can happen - it will happen! Remove 'all' doubt and visualize with clarity in our mind exactly what we want and need, and we will attract the events and people to make it come to fruition. I absolutely believe it to be true...and have to. My faith is also as strong as it has ever been, but I keep that personal and to myself.

There are many people who ask me how the film is going and I believe genuinely for the most part that they are interested and want to see where the progress currently is. However, whether it be family, friends, or an average inquiry, I don't completely buy into their inherent interest and belief that it will succeed. An elementary teacher? Making a feature film? Naaah. Sadly, my experience with all of this so far has proven people in general to look for failure, to doubt, to unknowingly critique, to tell how 'they' think it should really be done, or to see a fall in a person's attempt to do something they have never done before. I am just sharing it as I have experienced it thus far. These thoughts, these feelings, these opinions...only make my resolve to succeed greater and more passionate. I know there are many people out there who 'truly' do want to see "Bipolar" succeed...and I am and will do everything humanly possible to make that happen.

Secondly, I have searched and patiently surrounded myself with some wonderful, professional people in the business. There are those who are out only for themselves, but you search - and search - and search some more, until you find those people who not only want to help, but will go out of their way to see something creative come to life. And not because they want the spotlight, or the recognition, but because they genuinely want to help others succeed and see something creative and unique come to life. If you surround yourself with great people, whether friends, family, or professionally - incredible things can happen. I've been very blessed and fortunate to have people like that helping with this film and other dreams I hope to accomplish.

A third and very important reason I know we will find the resources to make this film and have it succeed, is that I believe it has value and purpose for many. I will say boldly and please excuse the harshness of this, but there are so many films that are absolute-shit, poorly made, and funded with hundreds, if not millions of dollars. If by some horrible, unimaginable fate the film is not well done or not inspirational to others - I will be the first to stand up and take whatever criticism and blame that is given and necessary for its failure. I know there will be some people who simply won't like it because I breathe in and out - or that my heart beats. I understand that. Films are subjective and what one person loves another may dislike. I just have to believe that there is enough positive support, encouragement, and backing for something as far-reaching as bipolar disorder, and the thousands of lives it touches.

As I have said before...what does all this have to do with the price of eggs? Nothing! I just wanted to take the risk to share openly what I am setting out to do, what this movie means to me, and what I hope to accomplish by bringing it to fruition. That is simply - to bring hope and inspiration to others.

Four months...time will tell.

NAMI - of Greater Milwaukee Presentation

Okay...procrastination can be a horrible thing, so guilty as charged. I wanted to go back a few weeks and talk briefly about a shared-presentation I did with an incredible woman named Diane Lotter on July 31, 2006. Diane is an incredible woman in her early fifties who wrote a beautiful book on her life with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. We spoke at a meeting for NAMI - of Greater Milwaukee and I was in awe of Diane's story. Very soft spoken and humble, she shared the brief history of her life with the two disorders, how she battled and beat alcoholism, and is today a successful mother and grandmother. It continues to amaze me, the incredible life changing stories that are out there of people who have made it through incredible odds. They are not famous athletes, famous actors or actresses, but everyday people like you and I - that are seen driving, in the grocery store, or walking down the street. Share your story. Let others know what your struggles are and were and how you overcame them. You never know when or whom your story will positively affect, and the impact it can have on someone else's life. I was so grateful and excited to have been able to get to know Diane and hear another incredible story of someone's survival and perserverance. If you would like to order Diane's book, "The Why of Me", please contact her at dlotter318@sbcglobal.net, or send $19.95 to 840 Weinert Rd. #318 West Bend, WI 53095 (she said she'll pay the postage).

Fireside Books - Presentation & Book Signing

I was a little delayed in posting this one, but Saturday was a great event and proved to be an emotional talk once again. It never ceases to amaze me how many people have or are touched by bipolar disorder, either in their family or someone close to them. The audience was again wonderful and the question and answer session was one of the best yet. I appreciated so many people coming down to listen, especially on such a nice, sunny, Saturday morning. Dennis Uhlig of Fireside Books did a really nice opening introduction on the book and I am very grateful for all he did to set up the book signing. Sometimes it is just surprising how you can have a rough week and then turn around and give a positive, motivational speech to a group of people. Just showing me once again that when you forget about what is troubling and focus on others, it puts you in a better place. The talk went so well, that Fireside and I worked out an arrangement to come back for another talk on Saturday, November 11th, this fall. I am really excited and we're hoping to have many more people to join us this next time. Thank you again to everyone who came out to listen and to Fireside Books for being such a great host.

"Matthew's visit to Fireside Books was a wonderful and very educational experience. Matthew is a great example of what can be done if one keeps a positive attitude and decides to never give up! His presentation was emotional and informative. Many of those who attended asked to have Matthew return so they could invite others to hear him speak. We really appreciated having him!"

Dennis Uhlig - Fireside Books

Updates - July 21, 2006

New Title - Great Progression

Friday night, July 14 was a great night of developments and progression for our upcoming film. It was determined with unanimous approval that the new title will be "Bipolar". It's telling, direct, edgy, and essentially is the basis of the film. The synopsis found at www.polaritymediaproductions.com is based upon Matthew Nichols' life with bipolar disorder and will take a never-before-seen, look at a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it's effects on the individual and the relationships that surround them.

Friday also saw the photo shoot with Producers Drew Maxwell and Dan Kattman for the film's new and preliminary concept poster, which will be released in the next few weeks. Maxwell will do the final development of the poster and follow up the quality posters he has already designed. "I was really happy with the work Drew Foerster, www.kaboomfilms.com had done for the original Silent Lucidity poster. "Drew is a great guy and absolutely has his heart and soul in the film industry - as one's should be, just as it is with Dan and Drew (Maxwell). I know Drew (Maxwell) will do an unbelievable job with this poster as he has with all his other posters". Nichols said it would be a short while until the name change is complete as the original working title "Silent Lucidity" is changed. The rock band Queensryche, which owns the rights to the title and song, initially cleared us for use of the song for the soundtrack, but were reluctant and decided not to release the title for use as the film's title. "I loved the words and its fit for the film's subject, but it didn't feel right not to have the title of the film the same as the title track. Queensryche did incredible things for the song and it has brought them tremendous success. I'm grateful they were at least open to discussion for its possibilities. I appreciated that. I am extremely excited about the new title, which was suggested by Drew and it felt perfect right away".

Producers Katmann and Maxwell just completed post-production of their latest project Guardians. Information and details on the film can be found at their website, www.lightningrodstudios.com.

Final fundraising for the film is currently taking place and will come from a number of sources including, but not limited to private investors, mental health associations, and hospitals. Investment opportunities are available for Bipolar the Movie and serious inquiries can contact Matthew Nichols at Polarity Media Productions at the above mentioned website, for questions and information. Interest in the project continues to be very strong and individual investors, in addition to private groups, are also showing a significant interest in the film.

More exciting things to come. Stay tuned!

Updates - July 2, 2006

New Soundtrack Artist & Next Steps

We are very excited to announce another addition to the Silent Lucidity soundtrack. She is Brianna Lane, an incredibly talented musician who currently resides in Minneapolis, Minnesota. She is described as the chick who puts the word "singer" in singer/songwriter. Brianna grew up in Minnesota so you can blame her sweetness on her roots, but this girl has been on the road non-stop for two years so you can hear her experiences in every note she sings. She has a voice and a presence beyond her years. She strums an acoustic guitar with the same sweetness and power in which she sings. Brianna is currently touring nationally in support of her newest release "Radiator". Others say Brianna's songs are beautiful and cathartic, almost telling us that it's OK to feel down, but not to let it get us down at the same time. Her acoustic guitar gently weeps through almost a dozen indie-rock tunes, wandering through an introspective depression while maintaining a brave face all the same (Mish Mash). The soundtrack will feature Brianna's single "When I Get There". An introspective and dramatic song that has the heart and feel to fit well in a specifically chosen scene by producer Matthew Nichols. Brianna is the seventh artist to be added to the soundtrack and adds a unique sound to the great variety and style of the other artists. You can find her songs, touring schedule, and biography at: www.myspace.com/briannalane or briannalanemusic.com. We are very excited to have Brianna with us and think she is a wonderful addition to the Silent Lucidity project (Matthew Nichols).

July will mark the beginning of a very crucial step of the pre-production process. Anytime you have an independent film, obviously one of the main and key factors is attaining the remaining funds to complete the production. Producers Matthew Nichols, Dan Kattman, and Drew Maxwell will be focusing on specific groups in the mental health and medical community. Initial interest in the project is very strong and individual investors are also showing a significant interest in the project. Kattman and Maxwell's previous experience in the independent film industry has indicated consistently that investors in smaller projects are more likely to invest for the creative and unique development of a project. Founding and original investors Mike and Joanne Roberson said they believed the film has great potential and wanted to be part of a project that started from the ground - up, and could be brought to fruition through Nichols' passion and vision for sharing his story of having bipolar disorder. July will also mark the next stages of completing the casting for the lead, female role of Leah Brooks. Several actresses have shown interest and casting will continue following the Fourth of July holiday week. Stay tuned!

Soundtrack & Pre-Production

It has been a pretty good week for pre-production and current progress on the film. The last blog mentioned the possibility of a wonderful, new female artist to the soundtrack for the film. "She" was excited about the project and is interested in having one of her songs included. We are working out some of the details and will announce her song and bio in the very near future. Equally as exciting, another incredible, independent female artist has shown interest in the project. Ironically, I came upon her through MySpace and she has a beautiful voice and song that fits very well with the feel of the film. As with the previous artist, this young woman is excited about the possibilities and a few details need to be discussed with her as well. I will be very excited to announce them both very soon. Music is such an important part of my life and I wanted the soundtrack of the film to have some very unique sounds and a variety of musical artists. We have eight great (and unique) artists so far and I am looking forward to adding more.

The films progress is slow, but steady. No other way to put it than to say that it is an intense process and bringing all the pieces together takes time. Persistent patience is the key. I am just finishing the final two films of ten that I was watching to get "the feel" and cinemaphotograpy ideas for our film. Silent Lucidity is going to have a unique 'edge' to it and we are working adamantly to figure out how we are going to bring that to the audience. We are looking to find just the right combination to show the dynamics of the relationship between Garrett and Leah Brooks, the co-existing role of their son Jack, and the internal/emotional struggles of Garrett. Putting that all together in a unique, new viewpoint will be the fun part. I will be meeting again this week with the other two producers and we will be focusing on the remaining fundraising and narrowing in on our lead actress for the role of Leah Brooks. Stay tuned.

Waukesha Parent Group

Thursday, June 1st, with the Waukesha parent group W.A.S.S.U.P. was one of the most interesting and intriguing speaking events to date. It was a mixture of parents with teenage children and parents whose children had or showed signs of bipolar disorder. We sat around a group of tables together in a large, lobby-cafeteria type room, in a very relaxed setting. I gave my normal presentation, but shared my story as it related more to my experiences as a teenager and how my life was affected with bipolar disorder. There were a couple parents crying and while I never want to see anyone that way, I was really moved to know that what I was sharing touched someone on a personal level. I actually got goosebumps when I saw that. What was really great about the night and discussion was that the conversation and questions were so engaging by everyone. Parents shared some very personal and traumatic experiences about their children and people were on the edge of their seats wanting to listen, ask questions, and share similar struggles of their own. In the same breath there was no loss of a sense of humor and we laughed as much as we shared situations and dialogue. We were fortunate to have two psychologists in attendance and they too offered a tremendous amount of value to the discussions. The one foundational message I left with that night was that sharing experiences with other parents and people who are struggling with a variety of issues is an absolute positive, no matter how difficult the situation. People need to know there are others who are going through some of the very same things as they are. Sharing those experiences brings objectivity to the situations and people can see more clearly how to approach resources and people who can help them. My sincere thanks to Stacey and Katrina at W.A.S.S.U.P. for having me as their guest speaker. It was once again a wonderful and rewarding experience.

Martha Merrell's Bookstore - Talk & Reading

Tonight was my second book signing and presentation at Martha Merrell's Bookstore in Waukesha, Wisconsin. It was a great turnout and the audience was very kind and supportive. There were many people who either had bipolar disorder or had someone close to them who has bipolar disorder. I appreciated the insightful questions and it was really nice talking to each and every one of you who purchased a book and waited to have it signed. I love hearing your stories and I appreciated your patience in line as well. I love to share my story and I am very grateful for all the nice compliments. I look forward to the next speaking engagement and Martha Merrell's said they would be happy to have me back again in the future. Norm and Eve Bruce were wonderful hosts.

News And Updates

Polarity Media Productions will begin posting news and updates for production of the film Silent Lucidity, speaking engagements/appearances of Matthew Nichols, and related project information. Please be sure to check back for the latest information.