At The End Of The Day...

Progress continues in many ways.  Bipolar the movie will see its start of equity financing beginning in January 2013.  It's the challenging, but exciting and rewarding task of seeking equity investors to finance a film. In the last few months I have met people who run from it - from simple fear of the process, some who adamantly believe in its value and the respect it brings to your project, and some who would never venture it - but are 100 percent supportive, respectful and encouraging of taking the risks and accomplishing a dream that many will never pursue.

Acting gigs, commercials and a variety of auditions will also continue on a regular basis in 2013.  There is never a lack for television commercials and catalog photo shoots.  I have come to be cast or most requested as the father, farmer, businessman, and police officer/detective.  2013 will no doubt prove to be fruitful in those venues as well.  I welcome them with every ring of the phone.  Maybe the new year will bring some new roles or personalities for me to portray.  That's the fun of being an actor.  Having the fun opportunities to pretend you're someone you're not, and bring that new 'character' to life.
  
2013 will also see the renewal of Polarity Media Productions, LLC.  Polarity Media Productions is a multi-faceted company made up of film, literature and art production. There are currently five divisions to Polarity Media Productions; film and television production, actor representation, public speaking, fundraising sales and art creation and sales.  The major source of funding comes from a fundraising business and its sales to organizations, groups and teams.  The second major source of funding comes from personal appearances in film, television and print.  Supplemental revenues come from a variety of book and art sales, as well as public speaking appearances.  As mentioned, 2013 will be the start of equity financing for a variety of film projects as well. 

Polarity Media Productions’ mission is to develop and produce film projects and products, presentations, literature, and art that will inspire, encourage, entertain, and reflect on the human spirit.  It is committed to the creation of unique ideas, thoughts, and the endless possibilities of helping others through the lives, dreams, and stories of everyday people.

I am currently seeking the new office and hope to be settled by January 1st of 2013, in our new space.  Details to come soon.  Until then I will continue working on tightening up and making revisions to the script for Bipolar the movie, and am working on several other concepts for upcoming screenplays.

But for now...at the end of the day...I am just a guy trying to tell a story in hopes, that it enlightens, encourages, inspires or entertains people - in their own, unique way.

 

Bipolar the Movie - Updates

Bipolar the Movie continues to make progress in its pre-production.  Key steps toward financing have been put into place and the challenging, but exciting process is in motion.  The financing of Bipolar is obviously a key factor as it drives the entire process from pre-production, to principal shooting, to post-production. Overall, we are very excited and pleased with the progress the film is making.  If you are interested in investing or have questions about the financing of Bipolar, please contact Matthew Nichols at mnicholswi@yahoo.com.  I have had the pleasure to be working with Terry Green, the writer and director of the feature film, 'No God No Master'.  Terry is a 20 year veteran in the film industry and is an outstanding resource for financing films.  He has his own blog which focuses on a variety of topics surrounding film, specifically the financing process.  I highly recommend visiting his site, www.filmnotes.net. 

Bipolar (2013)

A psychological, inspirational drama based on the true story of Matthew Nichols and his journey to manage his life with bipolar disorder.

36-year-old teacher and single-father, Garrett Brooks is enlightened by the discovery of a way to overcome the destructive tenacity of a mental illness, but not without cost.  His consistent struggles with his illness and inability to cope with overwhelming circumstances, Garrett’s once managed bipolar disorder resurfaces with debilitating stealth causing an even greater traumatic event, and new personal struggles.  He is faced with both the destructive power of a mental illness, and the foundational power of love and fatherhood with his son Jack Brooks, and friend and ex-wife Leah Brooks.  Through a personal window into the world of bipolar disorder, Garrett searches for answers to win the war, over the adversaries of mental illness, failure and suicide.  His relationships with Leah and Jack encourage and give new hope to his future as a father, friend and teacher.  Garrett's heartwarming and dramatic journey will bring viewers into the world of mental illness, and inspire others to ‘never’ give up hope.  Bipolar captures the interest of all as Garrett’s story enters the depths of the mind, the heart, and unconditional love.

Reality Check

I wanted to give a contrasting post to my blog for once.  If you look back at the previous posts, you find that most everything written is about projects or something with a positive light to it.  I have to keep the reality check alive and for once give a perspective that is not so warm and fuzzy.  And probably for the people who actually read this blog, it will be a good snapshot into the tougher and darker side of this new road I am traveling.

When I took the leap of faith from retiring from teaching and delving into the mysterious world of acting and modeling, I knew their would be risks.  Financial risks, risks to my relationships with family and friends and equally important, emotional risks that were going to test my character and challenge my illness to even greater extremes.  I continue to share my successes, because not only do I want to feel I made the right choices, but that I am also creating inspiration and hope for others.

What you don't always know and hear is that for each of those successes in this business, there are two, three or more failures, rejections and disappointments that follow suit when auditions and opportunities come and fall away.  I had been doing really well creating that thick skin and mental toughness that goes with the consistent rejection that this career foreshadows.

Today however, I had one of those unfortunate days and for whatever reason, for the first time in a while it really sucked the life out of me and sent me down some dark emotional roads.  I spent one of my normal five-hour, round-trip drives to Chicago from Milwaukee and back for what amounts to a 3-minute audition.  You leave most of these auditions feeling either that you nailed it and gave them your best performance and personality, or you leave like I did today.  In contrast, I left with my tail between my legs, in an emotional fog, wondering what the hell just happened from the time I walked into the audition room to the time I closed the door on the way out.  You may have presented your lines okay, but you have this gut-wrenching feeling that you tanked, sucked or fell flat on your face in front of the client.

Then amazingly you get into the elevator and in perfect time, you recite the script perfectly and with flawless delivery, over and over and over.  That flawless delivery continues on the walk to your car, in your car and for hours to follow.  Your gestures get sharper and more dramatically supportive, but it's over and 'never' happened that way.  And at the end of re-reciting my monologue each time I curse myself for f@#king it up just moments and minutes before.  Five hours for three minutes.  Five...hours...for...three...minutes of audition time!

Then...then...I go through the incredible mental strain of questioning my career choices, assessing where I have to get to, where I need to be to survive emotionally and financially and how will I continue to support myself and my family.  You feel the eyes and opinions of the naysayers screaming I told you so, or even worse, those who doubt and observe silently from afar, waiting for you to fail, only to appease their original skepticism.  My irrational thoughts tell me to quit, give up.

Only then...in a split-second of self-pity do I wake up and realize that I don't worry about what other people think anymore, and I'm back to rationalizing what this really was - another chance to grow as a person and become emotionally stronger.  I couldn't have found a hole deep enough to crawl into after the audition was over, but as the miles get put behind you and the hours grow new thoughts and ideals - hope and faith return.  I'm not valued by the failures in my life, but by how I react to those failures and setbacks and how I grow as a person when they come along.

I guess if I had to use an analogy of what this business is like, it's a lot like hitting a baseball.  The greatest and the best professional baseball players get a hit consistently 3 out of 10 times, giving them a .300 average.  Meaning, they fail consistently 7 out of 10 times.  Acting is very similar.  For every 2 or 3 commercials you get out of 10 auditions, you miss or don't get 7 or 8 out of those.  Obviously it varies with skill and experience, but it is the same principle.  Go, try, fail, recover, succeed and do it again and again.  You learn to toughen up and not take things personally.  You learn from the experience.

Some may view it as sappy, but I love the line from the movie Castaway where Tom Hanks says, "So now I know what I have to do. I have to keep breathing. And tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in."  

That is exactly what this career means to me and what I do every day. 

Going For Gold - The Process

I wanted to explain what it was like, in a nutshell, to do what I am doing for a career now.  Succinctly speaking, my job as an actor or model is to market my look, voice and acting abilities.  Through pictures, voice demos and acting reels you approach an agent (person), or an agent (talent agency).  If they like your look, feel you have potential and are marketable, and actually have talent, they will sign you on with their agency.

From there the agency is contacted by clients for any variety of jobs including but not limited to; television commercials, radio commercials, print advertising, web advertising, a product industrial, trade shows, fashion shows, theater, television pilots and film roles.  The client asks the agency for specific characteristics they are looking for and the agency provides a pool of actors or actresses (talent) that fit those characteristics.  Then from the pool of talent submitted, sometimes as many as fifty, the client makes its choices.  Now depending on the product, the client will select a talent for that job and fees are negotiated by the agency.  These assignments are cool to me, because it means you 'have been chosen' for a job and barring weather or cancellations, you 'will' have the work and 'will' get paid for it.  While anything is possible, there is a comforting feeling of security in those jobs.

Then there are the intangible selections.  A client may like your characteristics, your look, your demo and you are requested for an audition.  There are no guarantees with auditions and it is up to me as the talent to impress when my opportunity arises.  If...you are fortunate enough to make a positive impression, you can then receive a call-back.  This means the client liked your initial audition and wants a second look or listen to make a final decision.  Therefore, out of a large pool of talent you are now in a pool of talent (competition) with maybe three to five others.  It is now my job again to impress, stand out, knock their socks off so-to-speak, in front of the client.  I try with all I've got to bring my best performance, so they remember me and want to hire me.

Here is where the intangible becomes your adversary.  You can have your best performance or audition, do everything you wanted to do, do every gesture, every mannerism you rehearsed...and it may not be the right fit for the client.  You just don't know.  Then there are the times when an audition may not have gone as you hoped and suddenly you get a call that a client wants you to come for a call-back.  You try 'not' to understand and just go back to relying on a tremendous amount of faith and confidence that you did your best.

But wait, the emotional roller coaster gets even better.  Sometimes there are more 'unexplainable circumstances' that can happen.  Something unusual like that happened to me earlier in the year.  I auditioned for a client and got a call-back.  The call-back also went very well.  I was even told by one of the other talents auditioning, "They really liked you."  Of course I felt great about that, and upon receiving a call from my agent twenty minutes later, that the client offered me first right of refusal, I was euphoric to say the least. 

First right of refusal means that the client has 'iced' you, is holding you for a select number of days, and has chosen you and usually two other actors for the spot.  It was to be my first national commercial.  A very lucrative one.  Well...don't get too happy for me, because the next day I was released.  That simply means they decided to go with another talent, i.e. not me.  I was disheartened, but knew I needed to check my ego at the door and remembered it is how this business operates.  You can always be sure of a few things, risk - rejection - and a lot of subjectivity.  I knew it going in and I recognize that challenge everyday.   The auditions can go well, the call-backs go well and then...no further news or contact from my agents.  Translation, I got the silver or the bronze.  Compound the unknown with countless, round trip, two-hour-plus drives to auditions in a variety of cities that last no more than five minutes.  Unfortunately in this business, no news is bad news, so you want your phone to ring and ring often.

What does this have to do with the price of eggs or...going for gold?  I've now had several big opportunities similar to that above and just recently - got my first two golds.  Two national commercials filmed in Appleton, Wisconsin and another in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  Patience and persistence are two must-have virtues.  It's an incredible feeling that is hard to put into words.  However, there are no proverbial podiums you get up on for a gold in this business and you 'always' have to keep your humility. Just getting the job and opportunity is reward enough for me, but the greatest reward comes when a friend or family member tells you that they saw you in a commercial.  That's pretty cool!

The risks are big and the payoffs are equally as big, and sometimes a simple job can lead to a bigger opportunity, so I'm always hopeful.  You meet new people each time - producers, directors, crew and other actors who you talk to, get to know, and network with.  I simply take each experience, write down how things went and what I can do to improve, and give my very best with each new opportunity that comes my way.  You have to dig deep, believe in and love what you're doing...and I do!  So I am going for gold.  Every time I audition...I'm going for gold.  Silver and bronze are just reminders to keep trying, make myself better and never, ever give up!

Feature Film - Bipolar the Movie - Updates

Progress continues in pursuit of the independent, feature film - Bipolar.  The screenplay was revised for a director's viewing, and sent on to be reviewed by potential producers of the project.  

Attempts to receive financing from the drug companies remains unlikely, but we remain optimistic that some support is possible.  Initial contacts were made with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) to receive their support and endorsement.  That is pending and will be for some time, until more concrete contact is made on state and national levels.  

The overall goal is to get national exposure, hopefully worldwide, and to follow up screenings with a public speaking tour.  Overall we hope to portray a positive story that will encourage and inspire others, helping to eliminate the stigma and discrimination surrounding mental illness.  

Over fifty-seven million Americans, approximately one-fourth of the country, live with a diagnosable mental illness in any given year.  So imagine the impact a positive film about bipolar disorder could have on millions of people around the country and possibly the world. 

Stay tuned for more...

Vision

Going to make a strong, second run at bringing the film Bipolar to fruition.  The latest version of the screenplay was finished on June 4th, my son's birthday.  Ironic and inspiring at the same time.  Five or six years ago, the concept was a good idea, but all of the necessary pieces to make it work may not have been in place at the right time.  I truly believe that they are now.  I won't go as far as to say that planets are aligning, but with recent film connections and networking, there are some very concrete components and people who can make it a reality.  I'll look to this entry to be the start of the process and watching the development, regardless of its pace...it will be exciting.  A week ago Saturday, I sent out a letter of request and interest, to a Hollywood actress whose sister has bipolar disorder.  The response was saddening, but understandable upon receipt.  Her spokesperson politely explained that due to the overwhelming number of requests for her speak publicly and be a part of related projects, it was just not a possibility.  They respectfully declined for her and wished me luck in my endeavor.  Dr. Suess was rejected 27-times before someone found value in his first book.  I'm no Dr. Suess...I get that.  It simply inspires me.  I have to believe that there is someone, some group of people, some entity that will see value in this project and what it offers in its story of inspiration...and that it will come to fruition...very soon.

Well...it's a little over five years later and so much has changed since this blog began.  The last post left off on a journey to raise money for the film Bipolar.  While a successful fundraiser ensued and much progress was made, the money raised covered the fundraiser itself, as well as the initial stages of pre-production to move the project forward.  With great sadness, it proved to not be the right time for the film to come to fruition and the project was put on hold.

My career in teaching and raising my son remained my focus and I redirected my time and energy fully, back into teaching and being a good father.  So for the last five years I did just that.  While I continued to enjoy my job as a teacher, the students, their families and the people I worked with, something was missing, lacking.  Deep inside I knew there was something else I needed and wanted to pursue.  Over the course of the last year, with a great amount of thought, research and reflection, I felt it was time to follow my instincts and my heart.

For a number of years now I have been doing acting, print modeling and voice over work during my summers off.  18 years ago I wanted to pursue those things as a full-time career, but sadly, I followed the advice of others and not what I passionately wanted to do.  I think we all have things that we 'dream' of doing, but security and simplicity most often take over our decisions to chose our lot in life no matter how bad we want it. 

I was at a point where I didn't want to make the same mistake twice.  My first mistake...not pursuing professional baseball with the vigor and commitment that I could have, with the talents I was blessed with.  I allowed my illness of Bipolar to stand in the way of my abilities to perform and cope emotionally with the challenges I needed to overcome, to reach the next level.  How badly we all want to turn back the clock on our lives so often and in so many ways.  I know I have reflected on that far too often in my life.   I don't want to look back with regret...anymore.  My saving grace and reassurance that I stayed on the right path, is the simple fact that I was blessed with a beautiful, intelligent and wonderful child, thirteen years ago.  I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Which brings me to the present.  I didn't want similar regrets of looking back and second-guessing my life all over again.  I didn't want to be 57 years old, retiring and wishing I would have done...something different.  So that time is now.  No more wondering.  No more wishing.  We can sit and dream all we want and the more time we sit and think about it, the more time we have to question our decisions and give others time to talk us out of it.

This is the start of that dream, pursuing it with every ounce of energy I have to give.  No turning back and no regrets. No more wondering, wishing or second guessing.  I know it is an incredible leap of faith and I am willing and ready to take it.  I have to say, it is a feeling that is almost indescribable.  A tremendous, emotional weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  I wake up everyday now excited about what I am going to do, to accomplish and experience.  I know there will be challenges like any other job I have ever had, and I know there will always be people who doubt, criticize, have opinions and will question my decisions.  So be it!  My days of worrying about what other people think are behind me.  They have to be or I will never move forward to where I want to be.

All I know is that I am going to enjoy every possible moment I can...make a difference or positive impact in the lives of those I meet and share my experiences with...and most importantly...live each day with no regrets.

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